Curiouser and Curiouser !

I once saw a bird, so happy and jolly flapping its wings up in the sky

I was jealous at how free it soared oh so very high

So I tried its wings and went to the great celestial dome

I realized defying gravity is not in any of my bone

I once saw a fish, with its gills and fins happily enjoying the vast body of water

I was jealous at how it swims and see the marvels down under

So I tried its gills and fins and went to get awed by Atlantis

It only made me dive for just a couple of minutes 

I once saw a cheetah, with its legs that can sprint to see the wonders of Earth

I was jealous at how it can run 109.4-120.7 kilometers per hour

So I tried its legs and marathoned to Earth's lands

It sucked up all my energy I can't barely stand

I got tired at trying things meant not for humans

So I went out to see the sunrise one November morning

And became jealous of the sun, how it shone and how I was inloved with it

So I smiled

And it all made the difference



--
two years and a day

Atashi with a heart emoticon

Nicknames people call you?

         - Ella, Love, Nate, Lablab, Dam

Describe your Daily routine?

         - routine'ish

What are your hobbies?

         - singing, annoying people, watching movies, eating, READING

What else do you do in your free time?

         - staring blankly at things or spaces

Special talents?

         - being sarcastic, annoying people 

Song you usually play on your playlist?

         - Chaos Myth (calming song)

Favorite number and why?

         - 15, coz it's comforting :3

Favorite food?

         - Calamares

Favorite actor or actress and why?

         - Myung Geon Young, coz she has this amazing "stay away from me" look

Favorite drink?

         - Mogu-mogu

Favorite holiday?

         - ALL SOULS DAY

Favorite Expression?

         - "cheeps!" / frowning-questioning-almost-glaring-look

Favorite Sports?

         - Tennis (tho I don't play it) 
Favorite color?
         - Gray, white

Describe what it feels like waking up on Monday mornings

          - feeling "i don't wanna wake up"

Describe your soul mate…

          - someone who is complimentary to me, can scold me, advice me, laugh with or at me, argue with me and ofcourse, who can understand me.

Describe in one word, Friendship 

          - Loyalty

Describe in one word, LIFE 

          - Just

Describe yourself in 3 sentences?

          - Curious about everything. Easily gets bored. Likes deep talks.

Do you believe in love? Why or why not?

          - Yes. Because what else could make a person do more than they should.

Do you have boyfriend?

          - No

Best thing that ever happened to you?

          - Living

Your name in your phone?

          - Love Ella, Abot ko ang Mundo (Globe)

One thing that you Love the Most about yourself?

          - my being frank or straight to the point, less drama

What is/ are your weakness/es?

          - overthinking

Someone who knows all your secrets?

          - ME

What inspires you?

         - the thought that I am not alone in this battle

What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?

         - 

What is your least favorite word?

         - maybe

What type of friends do you look for?

         - those who'd never leave me even if I tell them to

What’s the best advice you've given or been given?

         - from my mentor, "daghan pa ang mo abot. with your charm daghan pa ma ilad, hehehe" 

One thing you'd change about yourself?

         - overthinking

What’s your favorite quote/saying?

         " A man's reach should exceed his grasp of what's heaven for?"

When was the most peaceful day you have had?

         - early morning at the beach

Where do you want to be in 50 years?

         - hopefully not inside a coffin

Who have been your closest friends in life?

         - Vv, Nice, Daisy, Crystal, Rachel

Who is your secret crush?

         -  L.

Who would you most likely talk to?

         - thyself

Worst mistake?

         - trusting humans

Your dream? 

         - to be a person of value

Your Romantic ideas/expectation about Love!

        - 1 Corinthians 13:4

What is your deepest fear?

        - to be misunderstood

 Your Full name?

        Lovella Gelig Flores

 Your Birthday?

        :)

Darn This Feeling

While searching for a nice quote about happiness (why I'm searching it will be in some random entry) I stumbled upon this quote:

photo downloaded from Google

 Plot twist I reiterated, I needed it, a hell lot of it! I dunno, maybe I'm tired, or maybe bored. I want changes in my life, and also, I wanted changes in me. 

Yesterday, I met R, I did mention in one of my entries that I will stop writing about him bt, this needs to be written. He wanted to see me, said he will be at the office after his shift. Nt that I liked the idea, just partly. This is nt the first time we saw each other, he attended the last talk in our community, nt that we talked, just nodded and smiled.

It's funny this time tho, how we so casually blurted out details of our lives when in fact we don't need to. When in fact, these things play significant roles to us that telling it to just acquaintances would nt be right . Family, house, life. Maybe that's because we are too familiar with each other. Or maybe the feeling is still there that talking about these things came out naturally. Feeling, my feelings, it did nt changed, well yes I can logically weigh things over bt emotionally, I'm still stuck. His face did nt change, it didn't have an effect on me, even his smile, nor his body, that's what my brain wanted me to believe, so I did. While talking to him, I realized, this is me, this is what I usually am, my comfort zone. This is what it's supposed to feel. This is the love that I've been looking for. The feeling that he has given me, the sense of security. He's just the very definition of my own version of love. And I die.


P L O T  T W I S T !!


I need change.

---
sometimes, you self destruct

What Would I DO If I Weren't Afraid?

I would behead all the people who sits in front of me in cinemas

I would laugh so hard in front of people just because!

I would stare at peoples faces when they're talking

I would speak my mind and wouldn't care who's hearing.

I would paint the rainbow black because I find it comforting

I would speak English more often

I would wear the clothes that I like to wear

I would nt care what everyone declares.

I would learn how to fight with a sword

I would take up law and finish that course!

I would eat balot and eat the whole thing

I would do what I want to hell with everything.

If I were not afraid

I would speak my mind and be heard!

I would nt care what everyone says just because

I would do what I want and be happy!!

I would learn about life and smile so widely.

---

Who Moved My Cheese? a reflection. 

A Grateful Heart and A Blissful Community ❤❤❤

To my father, who did nt only mentored me in my Math struggles during Elementary days, bt also mentored me in understanding my first heartache.

To my mother, who did nt only wash my clothes, ours rather, bt also washed away our bored faces when we have nothing else to do.

To my older sister, who did nt only lent me her watch, bt also lent me her wisdom and knowledge to discern things and situations.

To my younger sister, who did nt only scolds me with what I wear, bt also scolds me with my wrong decisions and actions.

To our youngest brother, who did nt only remind me of my responsibility as his older sister, bt also reminded me of the cute little things that made my childhood awesome!

To my close friends, who did nt only laughed with me during my craziness days in highschool, college til now that I'm working, bt also laughed with my internal struggles and adult-born-dilemmas. 

To my community, who did nt only became audience to my nonsense talks and out-of-the-blue laughs, bt also became audience as I worship and glorify the Lord.

To my workmates, who did nt only see me as a Marketing Assistant, bt also see me as their sister and friend. 

To the pen and notebook, because they did nt only taught me how to write, bt also taught me how to distinguish and discover my feelings.

To all the books that I've read, for nt only becoming my companion in times when I just want to shut myself away from civilization, bt also becoming a parallel world where I cn drown in my own thoughts and still remain afloat.

To all the songs that I've listened to, for nt only saying the words which I failed to say, bt also for saving me in awkward situations where I just want to melt in place.

To all the random aliens, ghosts, mortals, for nt only making me believe in the other side, bt for also sparing me from the boredom of simple thinking.

And to the Almighty Father, for without Him, how cn I be me.


For molding me into the best that I cn be! My heartfelt gratitude! I owe you one!

Ahhh wait.. .to this dude, who annoys the living hells in me with his words and his taunts, who calls me blind and Ella Ella Ella. Who makes me question lots of things, who makes me think. Who sees the me that I don't see. May our paths go where it shall go. I'm nt afraid, bring it on!













---
This is the result of the activity that we had in our community last night. It's actually fun, thanking people for the things they don't know they have imparted, shared and is capable of doing. I really enjoyed remembering how I was touched and or helped by everyone that I've met. It keeps me grounded and always, it reminds me that I am nt alone in this world. 

When a Girl Changes Her Hair.. .

She changes her life. 

Yesterday, after our movie date with my friend, I accompanied her to the salon. Prior to our date, she was already talking about cutting her hair. Her reason: donate it to cancer patients, very noble and very kind, bt a lie.

Why?

Because while in Mcdo, I probed her enough to make her confess that it was partly because she decided to move on (BIG WORD). "Move on from what?" I asked, "from him", saw this coming. We cn all agree tho, usually, especially with girls, the reason they move on  are guys. She has this crush / workmate for a year now. Within that year, they've already been to dates, exchanged thousands of messages and even tried the HHWW (holding hands while walking), her first. Bt they are nt a couple, he's nt even courting her. Within that year, the guy never made a move on her, never actually gave their relationship a label, never said anything that could become a hint that he likes her. Or maybe he does, as a friend, a company or a travel buddy, bt never as a girlfriend. 

While talking to her, I realized yet again that the things that I was telling her were the same deym words I too needed to hear. Girls tend to be like that, words are already enough, actions cn already satisfy, it doesn't work that way. Words should be reinforced by actions, and actions should be understood by words. Don't believe the old saying, "action speaks louder than words" it doesn't, nt now when there is already a big shift with the way people treat others. 

Because of her circumstance, my boredom and well, fun, I've decided to make a list of the little things that I should do to change my life:

• Change your hairstyle- "why does it always have to be me?" says the hair, well, changing your hairstyle, esp chopping it off if it's long, literally and "illiterally" makes you feel light. Let go of those unnecessary emotions that's dragging you down!

• Revamp your wardrobe- the new you needs a new armor too! it doesn't have to be fully bt gradually, take the first step. Let go of that old self and embody the new and 2.0 version of you.
• Do new things-  this one is a bit cliche' and I tell you it really is, bt it won't hurt to try. Find a new bt also relevant things to do, say, cooking, swimming or like most of my acquaintances, running. 
• Learn a new attitude- THIS IS FUNNY. I've actually done this, it may sound hard, bt it's actually a lot easier when you try it. As for me, I tried learning to laugh at almost everything, and it doesn't really matter where I am or who I'm with. 
• Talk to people- basically, talk, you don't need to talk about deep things, just let your mind play with words, let it speak, you will be amazed by your own thoughts, or scared (lol). If you're already talkative, then good!
• Go to events and places that interests you- by going to events, you will be able to meet different kinds of people with the same likes as you. learn from them, they sure cn offer varied things that you cn work on. Going to places cn spark inspirations and realizations. Travel.
• Say YES!- because opportunities sometimes knocks only once, by saying yes, you cn learn the things that you don't know, appreciate what you already do, and love what you don't. as what they say, you only live once!
• Refresh your playlist- I dunno why I added this, bt a lot of us do listen to music, and even if we don't admit it, we subconsciously feel the lyrics or the rhythm. Making us vulnerable to unwanted emotions, so! 
• Capture every moment- like how you captured every possible angle for that selfie, also capture moments, a nice sunset? take your phone or if you have a camera with you, take a shot! regular bonding with friends, take a groupie, you sure will look back and laugh at your funny wacky faces that time ;)
• Enjoy everything. Fear is a LIAR- never question your capabilities, if you don't try, you will never know! 

I'm no expert on this frankly speaking, we all have our ways of renewing ourselves! bt one thing's for sure, just be you, that's something nobody cn ever do!

---

the thing about pain.

If Words Could Kill

It was a night like any other nights, we were outside talking about everything reachable by the human brains, because we click that way. 

But actually, it was the night where I was dead serious on cutting him out of my system. I was tired of our mutually unlabeled relationship. I was tired of feeling like I am begging for his attention and time, I was tired of it all. I was tired of being tired. Aside from the fact that I'm nt used to being in this kind of set up, I'm also nt used to being treated this way! He seems like he is nt serious and sincere, he was good with actions bt was unable to clearly explain it with words. 

As I counted the things that needs to be stopped with our plight, he looked at me like how he looked at the sky with all the twinkling stars, his favorite; stars. I don't know what he was thinking that time, I want to hug him and tell him everything will be alright, the same words that I badly needed to hear. Bt nothing came out, nothing happened, we just stood there in silence. Stared at each other, calculating our next move, or the next move of the other one. It did nt look good in any angle. It was bad, we were drifting apart, slowly. Then he asked, "why is this happening?" 

.. .

Silence

I don't want to feel any of what I'm feeling right now. I'd rather feel nothing at all. So I will let you go.

---

how to die an awful death.