Personal Hell

For our sharing in the office, where I was one of the sharer (Tuesday) the question was, where do I go or what do I do to be happy? why?

A very simple, yet very tricky question. Why?

They say, being happy is a choice. Really? Can you instantly be happy just because you wanted to be?

Because I don't. I won't. 

Even if I tell myself to be happy. Even if I threaten me, I won't be happy. Even with a big giant smile in my face. Deep down, if I'm sad, I'm sad.

Yes, technically, I let the sadness succumb me. I let it take over. Feel it. Feel it until it doesn't feel anymore. I don't usually cry, I don't usually get sad, even with all the troubles in the world, I don't. But you can never tell, especially these past few days. I've been sad. Terribly sad. Not because I lost my happiness. But because I've loved the wrong person. Who would've thought that I would get sad because of my name- love.

Eventually I will be happy. It will take time yes. But going through the process will help you gain a lot of understanding about yourself. And now I know, I'm not as strong as I thought as was.  I'm not all smiles. It's not always sunny. It's not always kya kya~ You sometimes need to feel hurt. To feel sadness. YinYang.

You, what do you do to be happy?

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there goes my heart.